Heartbreak happens; relationships end, people disappoint us, we fall short of a meaningful goal or we receive a terrifying diagnosis like cancer. When heartbreak happens, we should acknowledge the hurt, the fear and the anger. We should allow these feelings to flow up, through and out of our body. There is no healthy way around this piece; feeling is a must. And after this, we should choose an attitude and take advantage of what heartbreak can provide – focused desire.
Heartbreak actually helps us become C L E A R about what it is that we do want.
Think about the last time you felt utterly broken.
Then somehow after gently licking your wounds, you lovingly mended the broken pieces and creatively redesigned their configuration. Renovated, you re-emerged & re-engaged in life feeling more grounded, clear and focused on what and how you wished to live than ever before.
This happened for two reasons: #1 negative emotion helped you to become crystal clear about what you absolutely do NOT desire. With that piece chiseled
away, a beautiful sculpture of focused desire appeared. #2 With this focused desire, creative energy flows.
A Healthy Man Has Many Wishes But A Sick Man Has Only ONE WISH.
When diagnosed with cancer or another serious illness, the focused desire most often becomes wellness: not just the absence of illness, but a desire for vibrancy, appreciation, and presence to the experience of living.
Heartbreak can transform us in an instant. The focused desire is ours to realize.
1. Allow feeling to flow through you, not wallowing but allowing, feeling the pain and acknowledging. Crying is O K. Do not move into step 2 now. When complete with this piece, LET IT GO for now, gently set aside and do something soothing for yourself (bubble bath, cup of hot tea, sit in garden etc.) Click here or here self-soothing list of activities. (REPEAT as needed, different days will feel more “out of control” and frustrating than others).
2. At a later time or a different time of the day from step 1, get quiet, calm your mind (see 5 steps to mindfulness meditation). After practicing for 10 to 15 minutes, gently listen with the intention of finding clarity. A great tool for listening is writing. Write 3 pages and put it away. Repeat this practice each day, preferably in the morning and then LET IT GO for now and go on with your day.
3. Purposeful Presence: Mindfully inhabit your body (do this one AFTER treatments are over). Often during & after heartbreak, we will disconnect from our bodies in an unconscious attempt to escape the pain. Do a physical exercise like Yoga, Pilates, Bar Method, (bar method defined) or running or hiking which requires you to exert yourself, and consciously commit to re-enter your body. Choose to crawl inside your muscles and reconnect. Note, if you are in chemotherapy or radiation treatment at this time, talk to your doctor before engaging in an exercise program. Gentle yoga, stretching or a body scan meditation may be better options during treatment.
4. Compassion and Loving Kindness. All of the above should be done with a gentle loving-kind compassionate attitude. Compassion is awareness of what you are feeling and responding to those feeling states with understanding and kindness. When noticed, negative self-talk & harsh self-judgments should be gently released. They will counteract garnering the power of heartbreak. How do you typically act toward yourself in difficult times? You can test yourself here. For Compassionate downloads to practice click here Compassion is the foundation of emotional healing, without this piece, the rest is null and void.
5. Raise your vibration/choose your attitude: Positive affirmations are a great way to do this. When saying them to yourself, it’s important to connect with the words and say them from your heart. Download a positive affirmation app for your phone. Feel free to collect additions to your positive affirmation/quote compilation. Affirmations are brain food and a good way to stay connected to your focused desire.
Enjoy your new clarity and sense of purpose. Enjoy living this new creation and putting it into action. Laughing out loud while driving around town enjoying the positive life you are creating is O K (even if you’re driving to treatment).
Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way ~ Victor Frankl